The Garden of Words is good but I can't really empathize with it

This movie, The Garden of Words was awesome for just one reason. It reminded me of the way I used to think when I was 17 years old. I was always in my head. My thoughts drifted with the clouds, high above the ground and always scanned for the future ahead.
I miss being 17. When I was 17 I had a family and tons of friends but I never felt like I belonged with them. I got along with older people because their lives excited me about my own future possibilities, and the people my age didn't quite care about the future...
It's weird but-the more you think about something, the less likely it happens. My life rule used to be, think about it, believe it, act towards it and it will happen. But I started caring so much, and started being so good at predicting my own future that somewhere along the way people became jealous and killed this life rule of mine.
Now it seems like the rule is don't think about it, don't plan ahead and eventually you will find yourself there and be able to enjoy the moment. If I think about it too much I don't end up enjoying the present.
And yet I remember being 17, feeling like an outcast and yet not really being as much of an outcast as I thought....but I do love being alone in my mind... I remember being in love with my mind then as well. I could silently sit in a corner, inside myself and stare at the thoughts whizzing past me. My own little world. I found freedom inside my mind and no one was ever able to enter it quite the way I do. I miss being free and I miss my state of mind. I don't think I can truly be Jennifer without this.

Also the movie reminded me of Charlie my ex-boyfriend. He reminded me of the immature male protagonist in the anime. The whole time I am thinking I wish I could sit around and do nothing, say nothing and only enjoy the company of a friendly person my age....Keyword: My age. Till I found out that the other protagonist, the teacher was way older than the kid and somehow they fell in love with each other....Eh. I remember being young but when I fell in love with my teacher I wasn't that young. I was like 19.
Idk. I was never much for emotional outbursts without directions. When I am volatile everyone knows why. I tell people and I give them warning signs before I explode. I don't just get angry and walk away and somehow hope that my lover will run after me because they care enough to become mind readers for my sake. It's great when people can be mind readers but you don't have to be in order to understand me because I tell you exactly how I feel and where I stand on issues and in life.
No. I am not like Charlie. I am not a volatile, immature child. I never was. I know now that what he needed was someone like the teacher in the movie but that's not really my personality. It's one thing to have one or two emotional outburst a month, but Charlie had them a few times a week. I wasn't raised in this manner. If I couldn't justify my emotions I would get a beating and a time-out. I wasn't allowed to just get angry because I felt angry. I had to have a reason. It also does not matter what state of mind I have and what psychiatry drugs I am on, I am still not allowed to have a random emotional break down just because I am affected by people, events and happenings around me. Those were never good reasons for outbursts in my family and in my world. My first love and my teacher understood this, but Charlie did not even though he stated he understood, he really didn't understand me.


So Idk about being able to fully empathize with the movie The Garden of Words. I feel like the movie is about a pubescent teen turning on the cusp of being an adult who has mommy issues and wants/needs the approval of a beautiful older, smart woman in order to be able to fully evolve into the young man he is meant to be. I can't really relate with this but-
The movie is beautifully animated though. I always wonder what makes animated cartoons better than real people. Is it the simple fact that the animation is more aesthetically appealing or is it because things are drawn in a simpler way and so easier on the mind? Either way it was easy to watch. I loved how every panel was a work of digital art. I love when anime takes their time on the scenic panels. I hope to be able to draw like this someday.

Dream Eater Merry Anime was just "Okay." The manga is better

The show had so much potential. When it was interesting it was amazing, but most of the episodes do not take place in the dream world and when it does, the character count does not fluctuate a whole lot. The characters after episode 5 stay the same for the rest of the season loosing the cool notion that the show will be flooded with interesting demons, creatures and monsters.

Overall the premise is great but the show does not do much to develop it's story into a unique gem. This mine does not get mined. The potential turns into boredom instead of a gem. There are too many episodes where nothing happens and all the show demonstrates is sweet but boring platonic, everyday mundane interaction. Nothing is truly said that brings the audience closer to unraveling the mystery of Merry. In-fact the last episode of the show reveals nothing about her past, all it does is leave you wondering why the producers of the anime felt the need to blue ball everyone into watching an anime with no proper ending. And worse of all, there is no season 2. There is no solving any of the mysteries that the show hinted at or bamboozled you into believing it would solve or explain eventually. In order to get any kind of closure you have to search for the manga online. Which I found.

The manga is so much better! It explains more, and the events are not out of alignment like in the anime. There are more creatures and demons and the story is so much more detailed and eventful.
I strongly advise that you all check it out!

Yumekui Merry (Dream Eater Merry)

Credit: fursen3.deviantart.com

   

               I decided to start my anime binge watching week by browsing through the Amazon Prime Video content available to me as a fellow subscriber. I actually purchased Amazon Prime on accident. It was free to use as a student and when the trial was over, Amazon charged me for the entire year all at once. So now I am stuck with Prime for a year-might as well make the best of it!
               Amazon does not have as much as Hulu, but they might have a small upper-hand over Netflix. I've found their movies and anime series to be on the not so mainstream side of the anime fandom. For a casual otaku fangirl like me, this proves to be a very happy accident indeed. Now I am free to peruse the pages of all the anime shows I have never heard of and have yet to visually devour. This makes for a very happy Amazon Prime subscriber!

Look at the unique detail in her eyes! So cool.

   
      Dream Eater Merry caught my eye right away. I am drawing an online manga that deals with the demon world and the concept of someone aka main character Yumeji, Fujiwara possessing the ability to know, ahead of time what someone will dream of that very night (including himself) super interesting! I've always wanted to incorporate dreams and here is an anime that beat me to the punch! Also the anime art is very easy on the eyes, with the characters possessing wide, bright eyes and cute, detailed, unique outfits. I love Merry's pointy ears. Super kawaii!
       I've only watched two episodes so far but the story is captivating from the start if you like dream worlds, heroic and villainous demons and unique spins on mainstream concepts like two realms coexisting. For example the human world and the shadow world etc.
     
      I keep wanting to see what Yumeji will do with his weird gift. So far he has had some scary encounters with creepy, masks and talking cats but what else is out there in the dream world? Will his powers unlock into something more awesome and unforeseen? Is Merry another bad dream demon or is she truly benevolent and Yumeji's friend?
     I can't wait to see what's next! I am also hoping that the show is filled with more unique monsters and creatures. I love watching stuff I have not seen or thought of before, those artists that blow my mind with creativity like that are truly masters at drawing.

If Iam going to be denied social interaction

               If Iam going to be denied social interaction I might as well lay back and start truly immersing myself in the Otaku culture other Hikikomori enjoy.

                 I always thought of myself as more of a casual otaku fan chick but lately it has gotten continuously harder to interact with the social world around me. I have lost the desire to "try" and make new friends. Everytime I "try" I end up getting raped by a male I thought was like me. Florida is not kind to otaku hipsters with a beautiful figure. The men almost are insulted when I ignore them. When I try to explain that we are not compatible they think that claiming they watched Dragonball Z or Naruto once upon a time ago is enough kudos to date me. I thought Florida was part of America, I did not realize that I've been living in cavemen era where men choose and women shut up and follow. If this is the case then I do not want to be known as a "Floridian". I do not want to be anything but what my heart desires. Lately it's human beings that are kind regardless of how I dress, interact or socialize but those are very rare- so rare I am thinking of trying to pick up new friends at homeless shelters because those men and women are just as lonely as I am and willing to be JUST nice. Recently I had my laptop stolen by one such homeless man when I thought I had made a platonic friend but other than this those bums have been kinder than the rich Christians nearing their end of days which make up the majority of the population in the Tampa Bay area. If that sentence does not speak volume about the Florida culture I am surrounded by I do not know how to paint a clearer picture.

          Let me explain just how much I have tried to be a normal 20 something year old chick. I have tried to use Okcupid, plentyoffish, Christianmingle, and even almost bought a membership to match.com. No such luck has been found on any of those sites. No men or women seem to understand what an "otaku" likes. When I try to tell or explain to them just what I want. It's as if I am not speaking English! No one gets me or what I am saying.
          Then I tried asking my so called police friends if they had any reformed bad boys wanting a good nerdy girl. Nothing. The doctors in my family think I should just take my "pills" and shut up. My guy friends who are not married have a lolita complex and just want to screw me. My ex just wants to use me. My chick friends are married and are annoyed at my lack of growth and childish idealistic ways. My best friend who actually gets me sighs at my naivete and prays for me before going to bed every night. Lord knows I miss him but as an important government employee he has important things to attend to and I missed the boat on being his main squeeze. Nevertheless I still pine and whine with nostalgia for our past. If you have ever watched Sense8 he has the personality of Wolfgang with an intellectual brain. I could talk about him for hours on end...When I am confronted by men I feel no chemistry, mentally or physically for I end up doing just this.
          There isn't a group in the Tampa Bay area that doesn't know who and why I love him and yet....My parents do nothing when ignorant and un-intellectual bullies try to justify their claim to me. I ball my hands into a fist, shoot them a nasty glare and shout "NO means NO!" I do not want a macho, latin bully. I do not want an ignorant, immature jock.
          I want a compassionate Light Yagami. I want an intellectual Vegeta.

And I've also tried to find him at school, the library, the greyhound station, Metrocon and at Barnes N' Nobles with no luck to be found. Clubs and bars where I've worked for more than 3 years have not yielded any results.
         Florida's social culture is now dead to me. If I do not meet this "special mate to be" in college I will truly become more hikikomori in nature. Technically I will be more of a Freeter but you get the picture.
         Anyways, there might still be hope in the future to meet someone smart and have an actual social life when I travel to different states to attend anime conventions but right now I am giving up the hope that I honestly deserve. I should get a reward for matching the police, my ex's brother, my best friend and Steph up with partners. Jewish culture states that if an unselfish person has that kind of luck matchmaking others she is destined for love and heaven will smile upon her.
Well, Jewish heaven where is my special good-natured, good hearted, smarty-pants?

Till then its all about anime television shows now. I have given up doing anything social except for when I have school. The next few entries will be about my favorite anime television shows and what I have found to my liking. Hope you tune-in then!
TTYL friends (I hope you all are) ("^__^")